What do you do when disappointment comes into your life? How do you handle a change in circumstances that leaves you confused and ungrounded? How do you find your way back? Over the last three months I have been wandering in a depressed and confused state, working my way back from “the rug being pulled out from under my feet.” I have been unable to find the energy or inspiration to write my monthly blog. Yet today, I feel ready once again to share.
As I reflect on these last three months, the specific healing moments have come from being present in my grief, present in my confusion, present in my uncertainty. I am in no way saying these moments were experienced in a state of ease or comfort …. No, I felt uncomfortable in each and every moment. Yet being present has allowed me bit by bit to grab onto those other present moments of awe, of preciousness, of connection, of gratitude. Slowly, these bits began to overtake the broken bits and I felt the trust growing in me once again.
Trusting in the Divine plan of the universe has been my chosen path the last ten years. I have set my intentions clearly and allowed the universe to unfold before me. This time however, my intentions came to an abrupt halt, I no longer had a direction, I was only feeling loss. My forethought has now taken a new shape…. It is not centered around a goal or a plan but rather around being comfortable in a state of uncertainty. This is one of my most challenging adult experiences, feeling uncertain in the present wonder of life.
As a Capricorn, I am most comfortable having a plan, working the plan, being organized, being rooted to a home and a purpose. I am feeling more of my Aquarian moon in these recent months, being more spontaneous, comfortable and open to unpredictability, letting my specific purpose be more mysterious. I believe it is a balancing transformation for me, a personal evolution so to speak to bring myself into a more whole state of being. Circumstances wielded a creative force that propelled me into unknown places within myself. I do believe the universe conspired with my path, even tossing a boulder in my way because I needed one.
So here it is summer and I am being present each day with the experience I am blessed with … I am being open to new situations, building new professional networks, shared dreams being reassembled. It is similar to painting with acrylics… when it doesn’t work, just paint right over the top of what was there and create anew. I paint each day with being present, asking my guides and angels for help, seeking to experience gratitude, trusting the universe will again unfold before me. I realize now that my journey is about Love, when I focus on being and living Love, my experience flows more easily and it weaves a new fabric … I am different now. Everything will be alright.
Blessings and Light … It’s good to be back.
